A couple of weeks ago, my wife came to me and wanted to discuss an area of our lives she thought we needed to change.

Laura recently talked to some friends about the practices they put in place to limit their attachment to their phones, and she thought we would benefit from one of them. We have gotten into a routine where the last thing we do at night and the first thing we do in the morning is look at our phones, so she suggested we find a way to kick this habit.

Honestly, I didn’t see this as a problem for me, but since it was important to my wife, I decided to give it a try.

We made the commitment, bought an old-fashioned alarm clock, and decided to stop looking at our phones for the last hour before we went to sleep and for the time it takes us to complete our morning routines before we leave the house. No major changes throughout the day, just putting the phone down a little earlier and waiting a little longer to pick it up in the morning.

Sounds easy enough, right?

But this has been one of the hardest things I’ve done in a long time.

When I’m lying in bed awake, I want to grab my phone to send that one last email. I need to check my Instagram one more time. I really just want to look at the latest analysis for the most recent college football rankings. In the moments that I’m trying so hard not to get up and grab my phone, I’m realizing how deep this habit truly runs. In some strange way, I feel like a drug user who so desperately needs a fix, but my drug is an addiction to a piece of technology.

I know this blog might sound like another criticism of smartphones, but it’s not. It’s about how habits influence our daily lives.

“The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” - Samuel Johnson

Habits can be good things or bad things, but we often don’t realize we’ve formed a habit until it feels impossible to break. When we try to form positive habits like exercising or eating healthier or committing to read more often, these things don’t come naturally. We have to intentionally decide to work at them to form healthy habits, so down the road, the good practices are the ones that feel like second nature.

Unfortunately, negative habits are much easier to form. We often don’t realize that we’ve formed habits like hitting the fast food drive-thru for dinner a few days a week, watching Netflix for a few hours after work every day, or scrolling through Instagram every time we have a break. These habits don’t require any conscious effort to form, so they require some focused work to break.

I don’t think that a smartphone is always a harmful piece of technology. However, when I realized that constantly interacting with my smartphone became an unhealthy distraction at the beginning and end of each day, I needed to make a change.

Are there other, seemingly harmless habits that you’ve slipped into? These aren’t always overtly negative things, but they shape your daily life.

On the flip side, are there positive habits and disciplines you need to pursue? Perhaps there’s a way to kick a negative habit by working at a positive one.

Consider your habits this week. It’s important to evaluate the things we do each day to determine how our habits influence our personal and professional lives. Our healthy and harmful habits can impact the people closest to us. So let’s work to kick the habits holding us back, and pursue others who can make us better.

Recently, I had a conversation with my friend Ike Reighard about what it takes to create a great place to work. Ike is a pastor and the CEO of MUST Ministries, but a number of years ago he was the Chief People Officer of a large financial organization.

He explained that as a company they spent a lot time studying what makes an organization a great place to work, so it’s no surprise that this company made Fortune Magazine’s “100 Best Places to Work” multiple years in a row.

One concept he mentioned was particularly fascinating to me. As they studied their corporate culture, they realized that people were most dissatisfied with their jobs when they felt like they were missing out on other important things. Employees saved their personal-leave days for big life events each year, but they felt like they didn’t have the freedom and flexibility to be there for the people who are important to them.

They wanted to be at their daughter’s ballet recital. They needed to visit their mom more during her extended stay in the hospital. They wished they could go to their child’s Thanksgiving parade at school. They wanted to be at their friend’s retirement luncheon.

They wanted to be there for some of those smaller things that mean so much to them and the people they love. So, this company created something called “Being There” time. Instead of asking their employees to pull from personal-leave or vacation time, they gave them a bank of hours to use for the important, everyday moments where presence is everything.

I know what you’re thinking, “This sounds great, but how does this apply to me?”

First, if you’re in a position where you can create time for other people to be there, do it. Not only will they be better spouses, parents, and friends, but they’ll also be happier at work and more loyal to you as an employer because of your generosity and care for them.

Now, for most of us, the power to give and create “Being There” time for others isn’t something that’s within our control, and that’s OK. What we can do is focus on doing our best to be there for the people we love. I struggle with this. Life feels full, and it’s tough to justify walking away from a hectic pace to be present with other people.

This challenge is as much for me as it is for you. In whatever stage of life you find yourself, fight to prioritize the time you need to be there. We always find ways to get off work for the big things in life, but we often forget that it’s the little things that are often the most important.

We can’t be at everything for everyone, but we should prioritize being present as often as we can.

Maybe it’s skipping your hunting weekend to be at your son’s Friday night football game.

Maybe it’s taking your lunch break to catch the end of your daughter’s school program.

Maybe it’s trading in a personal day to celebrate your spouse’s recent promotion.

Maybe it’s staying a few extra hours at work tonight, so tomorrow morning, you can take breakfast to your grandmother who’s in the hospital.

‍Being there isn’t always easy, and sometimes, it’s not even possible, but prioritizing time to be present is crucial to protecting your most important relationships. Find ways to be there for the people you love, and if you’re able, create opportunities for other people to do the same.

We all have different feelings about Thanksgiving.

For some of you, Thanksgiving means you’re going home, and home is a good thing. You’ve moved away from your family, and you’re thankful for this opportunity to spend time with them.

For others, Thanksgiving means you’re going home, and home is a sad thing. You’ve tried to escape your family, and now, you’re forced to confront the frustrations that come with being with them for an extended period of time.

For some of you, Thanksgiving is a welcomed break from work before the craziness of the holiday season starts.

For others, it’s the official beginning of your busiest season of work, and you dread working overtime, dealing with rude customers, and constantly restocking items for people to consume.

For some of you, this is your first Thanksgiving with a new spouse or a new baby. Your family is growing, and it’s an opportunity to start new traditions and be thankful for the gifts you’ve been given.

For others, Thanksgiving is the stark reminder that you’re still single or that you don’t have a child in your arms. It’s a reminder of the things you don’t have that you’ve hoped for and prayed for your entire life.

For some of you, Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for your friend or family member who is coming home after serving in the military overseas.

For others, Thanksgiving reminds you how much you miss the one you’ve lost. The empty seat at the table is a harsh reminder of the space that person used to fill.

Regardless of what emotions move into our hearts and minds as we approach Thanksgiving, I wonder what it would be like if we approached this Thanksgiving like it was our last.

Even though that one relative drives you crazy, this might be the last Thanksgiving before they receive a life-altering diagnosis. If you knew this was the last Thanksgiving you were working in a retail environment, how would you approach this one differently?

Even though you’re ready to have someone by your side, this might be your last Thanksgiving with the freedom of a single person. How would you spend your time differently?

Even though you’re exhausted after Thanksgiving with small children—fixing plates, wiping messy faces, and skipping naptimes—one day, your kids will be grown, and things will look different. How can you enjoy this Thanksgiving in the midst of the chaos?

I am not naive enough to pretend that Thanksgiving, or the holiday season, is an enjoyable time for everybody, but if we knew it was our last time with someone or that Thanksgiving would look different next year, would we stop and be a little more thankful?

If we knew that Thanksgiving would look different next year, would we stop and be a little more thankful?

My hope for me, and for you, is that we’ll look at this holiday a little differently and stop to be thankful. You never know when it might be the last time.

‍“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” - I Thessalonians 5:18, ESV  

Today, we live in a society that seems fixated on the latest and greatest. Our culture is consumed by each new trend and often forgets to place proper value on things that stand the test of time. I appreciate these lyrics from the song “Built to Last” by Heartland:

‍Here's to the makers of things built to last, like church bells and bridges, and baseball on grass, like Ferguson tractors and Lucchese boots, my daddy's old tools I still use, the pledge of allegiance, the stars and the stripes, the words in the Bible, the sun in the sky, and here's to the twinkle in old married eyes, still there after fifty years past.

Here's to the makers of things built to last.

‍There’s great value in both material things and relationships that will stand the test of time, but committing to a passion or calling can also leave a lasting impact on the world. I love learning from my good friend Justin Miller, who recently wrote a guest blog on this site.

Earlier this year, I asked Justin what he’d been learning, and he talked about his commitment to CARE for AIDS and the concept of a “long obedience in the same direction”—an idea Eugene Peterson discusses in his book.

The basic principle is this: The people who change the world are the ones who answer and work at their calling for a long period of time.

As I listened to Justin talk about this concept and his decision to pour himself into his nonprofit organization, I became aware of something I’ve undervalued for most of my life. In the past, I’ve been most intrigued by the people doing something new, creating an exciting new company, or working toward some bold new initiative. Today, I still admire these people doing new things, but the older I get, the more I’m impressed by the people who have been working at the same thing for a long time.

Fleeting fads, a little more money, or the promise of fame haven’t distracted these people from pursuing their passion and calling. The fruit of their labor has made, and is still making, a lasting impact on the world. Justin Miller started CARE for AIDS in college. We all know of organizations that began with a young person fired up to change the world, but most fade away after students move on and pursue other things. But CARE for AIDS just celebrated its ten year anniversary, and Justin is still leading the organization and is committed to the cause of “empowering people to live a life beyond AIDS.”

Commitments aren’t always limited to one person’s calling or career. Relationships require a long obedience in the same direction to be fruitful and successful. My parents have been married for 37 years and counting. On their wedding day, they committed to love one another through all of the highs and lows of life and now experience an even deeper love for one another than they did on that special day.

And speaking of lifelong commitments, today is Billy Graham’s 99th birthday. Billy Graham is one of my personal heroes.

He’s stayed committed to his call to ministry, and his life and legacy devoted to preaching the gospel have permanently changed the world.

So today, I’d like to just stop and recognize those people who are staying committed. My personality is wired to be energized by the next, new thing, but I’m realizing the true value in devoting yourself to something for life. Whether you are a committed volunteer at a local homeless shelter or an employee has faithfully worked at one company for decades, your efforts are making an impact. You show people the quality of your character with your commitment and consistency, and you are more likely to build something that lasts. We have a great deal to learn from you and want to thank you for the work you do.

We celebrate the biggest milestones of a person’s life and career, but staying committed day after day is an accomplishment, in and of itself. If you know someone who has been serving in your church, working in your organization, or volunteering in your community for a long time, tell them thank you. Take the time today to honor their long obedience in the same direction.

Leaders today spend a lot of time working to understand and learn from failure. We talk a great deal about learning from our mistakes and come to some familiar conclusions. We often learn the most from our failures. Failures are not final or fatal. When you fail, that’s how you learn. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

I agree. We can learn great lessons from failure. But I wonder if sometimes we put so much emphasis on failure that we forget to study success.

Sometimes, we put so much emphasis on failure that we forget to study success.

Have you ever done something well, but when asked how you were successful, you didn’t know?

If you don’t know why something is going well when it’s going well, you won’t know how to fix it if it breaks.

In our organization, our failures have been great catalysts to help us learn and grow. We look for things that are broken and try improve areas of weakness. Recently, however, we’ve started working to pinpoint and learn from the things we’re doing well.

Every year, we survey and analyze our customer satisfaction. In one program in particular, we had experienced a drop in satisfaction from 2015 to 2016. Our team identified problems, created a plan, and made conscious decisions to get better. As a result, in 2017, the satisfaction of our customers increased by 20%!

It was a great accomplishment to recover from the deficit and improve even more. Of those customers surveyed this year, 90% were either satisfied or very satisfied with our work. But, it was not enough to know that we improved; we needed to figure out exactly why we improved. Instead of moving on to another area, our team spent time and energy studying what specifically led to this increase in satisfaction. We understand that if we can clearly identify which decisions, actions, and behaviors are driving positive results, then we have a greater chance to replicate them in the future or course-correct if things go wrong.

In what areas of your life, personally and professionally, can you study and replicate success?

How did you attract the individuals who are now your most valuable team members and employees?

What kinds of environments foster intentional family discussion?

What did you do differently that helped you make the sale with the stubborn client?

How did you motivate your volunteers to stay late and pack more meals for your community?

How do you facilitate your most productive meetings?

What do you do to maintain your closest friendships?

When you are successful, evaluate your actions. Think about what you’re doing differently when you succeed instead of fixating on why or how you’ve failed. Determine the actions and decisions that lead to positive outcomes, and replicate them in all areas of your life. You’ll find that you can solve problems more widely and efficiently and pursue a lifestyle that is proactive toward success rather than reactive to failure.

A few weeks ago, I ran into a senior leader of a large organization, and he was telling me about the current state of their business. One of the things he mentioned was the overarching emphasis on change. He shared that every conversation within their organization centered around how the world is changing, how technology is evolving rapidly, and how the next generation of employees are different. He agreed that the world is, indeed, changing quickly, and I feel the same way. In every kind of organization and industry today, we’re are confronted by change.

Technology companies are scrambling to push out new projects, so they won’t be irrelevant.

Churches are changing their service styles and programs to attract and retain a younger audience.

Nonprofit organizations are developing new strategies to find and cultivate young donors.

Marketing teams are constantly rebranding their organizations to stay ahead of the trends of our shifting culture.

Businesses of all sizes are adjusting policies to attract a new generation of workers.

Change is coming, and it is coming quickly. The question for you and me is: how will we respond? Will we respond with such a large focus on change that we forget to ensure that the changes we are making are positive ones?

In response to the conversation at their company, this senior leader encouraged his colleagues to think about change differently. He told them, “We keep talking about change, but we really need to be talking about progress. We must remember that all progress is change, but not all change is progress.”

We must remember that all progress is change, but not all change is progress.

Wow. How true is that?

Yes, the world is changing quickly, and to remain competitive, you must adapt. But be careful to audit the changes you’re making.

Change is not a bad thing, but we also shouldn’t slip into the thinking that any change is good. We need a relentless focus on the types of change that make us better, not just the types of change that make us different.

Politicians are often elected on a platform of change, and then deliver change that isn’t always helpful to their constituents. Don’t fall into the trap of only focusing on change. Focus on progress. When you do, you’ll incite meaningful change that benefits people and promotes innovation in a changing world.

A few weeks ago, I was in El Paso, Texas, for one of our Chick-fil-A Leader Academy kick-off events. Our company, ADDO, works with Chick-fil-A to put on Chick-fil-A Leader Academy, a high school program dedicated to building up leaders that impact their local communities. This year, the program exists in more than 700 high schools in 35 states across the country.

At each school’s kick-off event, students participate in a program to pack meals for hungry people in their community. We provide each student with the tools to pack a lentil casserole and work with Feeding Children Everywhere to distribute the meals in the same community as the school, giving students a taste of local impact.

This particular kick-off event at Eastwood High School was unique because the school invited a representative from their local food bank to come and share his story. The leadership at the school thought this would be an interesting extra touch to engage students. Before the event started, I was shaking hands, meeting people, and trying to make conversation with students, teachers, and leaders of the program. I made a point to meet the representative from the food bank, but he didn’t seem very interested in talking to me. In fact, he was kind of cold and really kept to himself before the event began.

I walked away from this brief interaction and made two judgments about this man:

1. He’s not very nice.
2. He’s not going to be an engaging speaker.

‍

I couldn’t have been more wrong. In the few minutes that he spoke that day, he impacted the students’ lives and radically changed my own perspective of the work we were doing. He started by pointing out the way the students were sitting at tables in groups of four. He explained that one out of four children in their community goes to bed hungry every night. He detailed the extent of the hunger need in their city and put things in perspective for the students, sharing that the meals they packed that day might end up in the homes of some of their classmates. He asked, “Can you imagine trying to stay focused in school on an empty stomach?” His message was personal and powerful.

At the end of his talk, he started to walk off stage but stopped for a moment. It was clear that what he was about to say wasn’t planned. He asked, “How many of you in this room are 15 years old?”

He watched a group of hands go up throughout the crowd and nodded. Holding back tears, he said, “I grew up in this community, and when I was 15 years old, I was homeless. It’s because of people like you that I’m standing here today, and it’s why I work to give back through this organization.”

My perspective of this man completely changed. I realized that he was more reserved because what he was about to say to these students was important. To him, this wasn’t just a service project. This is work that changed his own life, and he knew it was an opportunity to change someone else’s.

Every single person you meet has a story. Like this food bank representative, we all have a past that has shaped us and made us who we are today. So before we rush to judge people by their appearance or demeanor, let’s stop and think. Maybe the cashier at the grocery store seems impatient because she needs to wrap up her shift to make it to her second job.

Maybe your coworker seems anti-social because he doesn’t want to talk about his issues at home.

Maybe the woman at church forgot your name again because she has a newborn and is functioning on little sleep.

Maybe your boss is short with you today because he is frustrated with a big mistake he made in an important presentation earlier.

Maybe the student failing your class is having trouble focusing because she is hungry.

Let’s open our eyes, be more slow to judge, and more eager to learn the stories of the people around us. You’ll find that it's nearly impossible to not love someone once you know their story.

It's nearly impossible to not love someone once you know their story.

This week, work to learn the stories of the people around you. This intentionality will make you more eager to care than to judge, and as a result, you’ll spend less time focusing on yourself and more time looking out for the needs of others.

Wow, I can’t believe it’s been one year since we launched this blog! Every week, more people are signing up. In fact, this list has grown almost tenfold over the last year! I hope these posts are valuable resources to you, both personally and professionally.

Today, I want to look back at this past year and highlight five of my favorite posts. Those of you who have been here from the beginning will recognize these, but others of you might be seeing them for the first time. Either way, I hope they are helpful to you this week.

1. People: Looking through the lens of a police officer, we receive a great reminder of how to see people positively.

2. Growth: A simple scripture reframed the way I view the challenges that accompany growth.

3. Expectations: Almost all of our frustrations are due to unmet expectations.

4. Instincts: A client of mine challenged our business to trust our gut.

5. Excellence: An interview with a baseball player reminded us about excellence in the everyday activities of life.

Whether you are a business owner, an employee working your first job, a pastor in ministry, a parent, or a student, I hope that this blog has helped you on your journey. I am very excited for what’s to come and hope that you will continue reading.

If this blog has been helpful to you, tell your friends! Forward this email along, or share on social media.

If this blog has been helpful to you, tell your friends! Pass this link along, or share on social media.

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Next week, I'll be tackling a topic every single leader needs to understand: The Proximity Principle.

Thank you for reading. I’m excited to kick off a new year of blog posts!

Guest Post by Justin Miller

Justin Miller is a great friend of mine. Justin is the Co-Founder and CEO of CARE for AIDS, a faith-based nonprofit that works to empower people living with HIV/AIDS in East Africa.

‍At CARE for AIDS, we have identified six behaviors that we want to define our culture: be healthy, help others win, grow continuously, make it better, take it personally, and stay focused. Today, I want to dig into one of the six—help others win.

‍Some call this servant leadership, others call it adding value, and others see it as a strategy for better business, but we see it as a way of life. In marriage, ministry, or in the marketplace, you will be the most fulfilled and fruitful when your whole focus is on helping others win. There are so many ways this practice manifests itself both inside and outside an organization, but I want to propose one practice today that has revolutionized our culture.

"The best way to help your organization is to help other organizations." -@jmiller09 @CAREforAIDS

I’m not suggesting you compromise sensitive or proprietary information. Even Chick-fil-A doesn’t publish their chicken sandwich recipe, but they do take everything they know about leadership and give it away. Because they believe, as Bill Hybels says, “Everybody wins when leaders get better.”

One way we have tried to live this out at CARE for AIDS is by encouraging our team to serve with other nonprofits. We’ve hosted strategy sessions, served on boards, participated in short-term service trips, and helped with community clean-ups. It has always been my conviction that other organizations are our partners in this work to alleviate human suffering, not our competitors, and that the more we can engage in the work others are doing, the better we will be in our own work.

There are five specific ways I think engaging in good work outside of CARE for AIDS has helped my team over the years:

1. Maintain a Kingdom perspective.

We cannot forget that we are not the only organization doing work to bring healing and restoration to this broken world. If we become too consumed with the specific work of CARE for AIDS, we can begin to see other organizations as competitors instead of cooperators in our common pursuit. If people and communities get better, it doesn’t matter who gets credit.

2. Expand our world.

‍From learning to scuba dive to running our first marathon to climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, my dad was relentless in making sure we were having new experiences that were expanding our world. By doing so, he believed we would continue to increase our capacity for creativity and original thought—I couldn’t agree more. He equates it to a painter who only has one color on his palette versus a painter who has twenty. By adding more colors to your leadership palette, you can create the masterpiece that your vision demands. These experiences my team has outside of CARE for AIDS make them better equipped to solve the problems we face.

3. Learn what we can do better.

We are not a perfect organization by any means, and we are eager to learn from others about how we can work better, smarter, and faster. Some of the biggest ideas for your organization may be created in organizations other than your own, even those who are smaller or who you deem less effective. As Bill Hybels says, “Armed with enough humility, leaders can learn from anybody.”

4. Teach other organizations.

‍One of the best ways to learn something is to teach it. When you have to teach something, you work really hard to dissect the idea, understand why it is important, and how to best communicate it. This helps the teacher embrace and execute the principle better. I believe we get better when we are forcing ourselves to teach others the best practices we are learning.

5. Avoid burnout.

Although the work of CARE for AIDS is incredibly fulfilling, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t exhausting. Getting out of the normal routine can refocus and reenergize us. It also reminds us of the things we love and appreciate about our organization and our work.

Whether you are in a nonprofit or for-profit organization, finding a way to serve other organizations is a win-win-win situation. It will benefit you as you get recharged, it will benefit your organization as you are exposed to new ideas, and it will benefit the organization that receives your time and services.

‍To learn more about CARE for AIDS, visit www.careforaids.org. To read more from Justin Miller, visit www.justintmiller.com.