If you've heard me speak this year, there’s a good chance you’ve seen me open with an emotional tear-jerker video (and for that, I suppose I owe some of you an apology!). Sometimes it was the Chevy holiday ad from two Christmases ago. Other times it was the highly emotional story from a German grocer. It’s one of those pieces that hits you in the heart before your brain has any time to prepare.And now, just in time for Thanksgiving, another powerful ad arrived on the scene.
Whenever an ad like this comes out, I always pause and ask a question I think more leaders should consider:
Why would a company invest massive amounts of time, creativity, energy, and money into a campaign that never once highlights a specific product, a new feature, or even where to buy anything?
No specs. No pricing. No “limited-time only.”
Just a story.
The answer is simple and it’s profoundly important:
Because emotional connections matter.
Whether we realize it or not, we make decisions with emotion and then justify those decisions with logic.
Most of us like to believe we’re rational beings who occasionally feel something. In reality, we are emotional beings who occasionally think. Neuroscience shows this. Behavioral psychology supports it. And if we’re honest with ourselves, our life experience confirms it.
Think about the last big decision you made: The job you accepted. The person you married. The city you moved to. The leader you chose to follow.
Logic may have supported the decision, but emotion almost certainly led the way.
And this is where the best leaders distinguish themselves.
Being an emotionally intelligent leader means you understand how emotions drive people and how they influence motivation, trust, creativity, loyalty, and performance. It means you pay attention not just to what people say, but to what they feel. It means you recognize that the people you lead are human beings long before they are employees.
Emotionally intelligent leaders:
Communicate with empathy, not just clarity.
Create meaning, not just tasks.
Resolve conflict, not bury it.
Inspire commitment, not just compliance.
And here’s the truth:
Emotional intelligence doesn’t just make you a better leader, it makes you better at life.
You become a better spouse, parent, friend, and neighbor. You become better at navigating hard conversations. You become someone people want to follow, not because they have to, but because they choose to.
Holiday Stories Remind Us What Leadership Is Really About
This is why these holiday ads resonate so deeply. They speak to something universal: belonging, connection, memory, community, and the shared experiences that make life meaningful. They remind us that leadership isn’t ultimately about metrics, milestones, or output. Those things matter, but they aren’t what people remember.
People remember how you made them feel.
They remember how connected they felt to a mission, a moment, or a team. They remember the leaders who saw them… really saw them.
As we move through this holiday season, my encouragement is simple:
Slow down. Notice people. Ask questions that matter. Share moments that matter. Lead in a way that connects on a human level, not just a functional one.
Because authenticity isn’t built on information. It isn’t built on policies or presentations.
It is built on the shared connection that holds teams, families, and communities together.
And if companies understand this well enough to spend millions creating stories that make us feel something… Then surely, as leaders, we can invest a few more moments into creating meaningful, emotional connections with the people we serve.
Let’s dive into this Thanksgiving post with a sobering reality:
According to the 2025 Holiday Mental Health Report by LifeStance Health, 51% of respondents say they feel lonely around the holidays, even when they’re with loved ones.
Among individuals already living with a mental health condition, about 64% say the holidays make their condition “a lot” or “somewhat” worse, says Utah State University.
Wait a second.
Some of you come here for leadership insights. Others are looking for ways to build stronger teams, improve customer experiences, and enhance your company culture. And maybe a few of you were just hoping for a heartwarming Thanksgiving story.
So why am I starting with something heavy, talking about loneliness, discouragement, and depression?
Because this season, for many people, isn’t just about turkey and gratitude. It’s also about what feels missing.
Thanksgiving, and the holidays that follow, can shine a spotlight on our deferred dreams and unmet desires. For some, it’s a reminder of loss, loneliness, or unfulfilled expectations. Even those who seem to “have it all” aren’t immune.
Famous leaders like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Jim Carrey have publicly admitted their struggles with depression. Even biblical heroes like Moses and David wrestled with despair. David once asked himself the question many of us quietly echo:
“Why are you cast down, O my soul?” (Psalm 42)
We often associate Thanksgiving with gratitude, but in reality, it can magnify what we lack instead of what we have. The missing spot at the table The unfulfilled dreams The child that you long for.
Holidays can magnify the gap.
There’s no magic fix for the heaviness that sometimes comes with the season. But there are small shifts that can bring hope, peace, and perspective.
1. Turn Down the Noise
Be intentional about what you let influence your mind. Spend less time with people, media, or messages that fuel anxiety or comparison. It’s okay to be informed, but don’t let the noise drown out what’s true and good.
2. Replace the Noise with Truth
Seek out the voices and resources that build you up. Spend time with people who remind you of what’s real, right, and hopeful. Read, watch, and listen to things that inspire gratitude rather than discontent.
3. Develop a Rhythm of Thanksgiving
Don’t wait for one Thursday in November to practice gratitude. Make it a rhythm, something woven into your days.
Keep a thankfulness journal. Start each morning in prayer. Take a moment at the end of each day to notice the bright spots. Gratitude grows when we practice it consistently.
While this time of year can stir sadness, it’s also an opportunity to reframe our focus. When we turn from what’s missing to what’s present, we find something powerful: contentment in the middle of longing.
This week, as you gather with family and friends, I hope you experience that kind of gratitude. The kind that doesn’t ignore pain, but transforms it.
A simple shift in focus, from what you don’t have to what you do, can change everything.
Do you ever get tired of people bringing you their problems? You might think to yourself, Can’t they figure this out on their own?
No one loves problems. They’re messy. They’re inconvenient. They ruin your schedule and your sense of control.
But when people stop coming to you with their issues, that’s when you should really be worried.
General Colin Powell said it best:
“The day the soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you stop leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help them or concluded that you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership.”
That quote hits hard.
The principle: without problems, leadership wouldn’t be necessary.
If everything ran perfectly, you wouldn’t need a leader, you’d just need a maintenance plan.
Every person who leads people should ask this simple question:
“Are people still bringing me their problems?”
If yes, that’s not a sign of dysfunction, it’s a sign of trust. They believe you’ll listen. They believe you care. They believe you can help.
If not… that’s a flashing warning light.
It’s tempting to dream of the day when everything runs smoothly. But leadership isn’t about eliminating problems, it’s about equipping people to face them.
Yes, we should work to help people solve problems on their own. No, we shouldn’t celebrate when someone brings us the same problem, over and over again.
But the next time someone knocks on your door with a problem, pause before you sigh. That problem isn’t a distraction from your leadership.
It’s the very reason your leadership exists.
Problems are proof of your purpose. No problems = no need for a leader.
When people stop bringing you problems, start asking why.
Leadership isn’t about comfort, it’s about courage.
The best leaders don’t run from problems; they run toward them.
If you want to grow as a leader, stop wishing for fewer problems. Instead, start building the capacity, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, to handle more.
Because the more problems you can solve, the more people you can serve.
Today is Veterans day. If you are a Veteran reading this blog, Thank you! I cannot adequately express my gratitude for your service.
Reflecting on Veterans Day reminded me of hearing a Marine speak recently. His story was powerful. The message was raw, real, and filled with lessons forged through fire. But there was one line that stopped me in my tracks:
“The more you sweat in training, the less you bleed in war.”
That one hit hard.
I’m not in actual combat. Chances are, you aren’t either. But that quote? It applies to everything we face.
This principle is all about exchanging short-term pain for long-term gain.
We all want the victory moments: the big wins, the promotions, the breakthroughs. But those moments are rarely won in the spotlight. They’re earned in the shadows.
It’s the early mornings when no one’s watching. The reps you put in when you’re tired. The extra hour spent getting it right, even when “good enough” would do.
Preparation doesn’t always feel glamorous, it feels like sweat.
But sweat now saves pain later.
We live in a world obsessed with comfort. Quick results. Easy wins.
But the truth is simple: you can’t shortcut significance.
Every “overnight success” you admire is built on years of unseen preparation. Every confident leader you respect has fought private battles to be ready for public challenges.
That Marine’s words reminded me:
the hard work we avoid today often becomes the crisis we face tomorrow.
Here’s the question I’ve been asking myself (and maybe you should too):
Where do I need to sweat more now so I can bleed less later?
Maybe it’s in your business, tightening systems before they break. Maybe it’s in your relationships, having that tough conversation before resentment builds. Maybe it’s investing in your personal growth: reading, learning, and preparing before the opportunity arrives.
Preparation isn’t punishment. It’s protection.
That Marine wasn’t just talking about combat, he was talking about life. The training ground and the battlefield may look different, but the principle is the same:
Discipline today prevents disaster tomorrow.
So go ahead…sweat a little more. Your future self will thank you.
One of the most powerful (and painful) leadership truths I’ve learned comes from a book I read more than 20 years ago: John Maxwell’s 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership:
“Leadership ability is the lid on your effectiveness.”
Put another way: you’re the cap. If you’re hitting a ceiling on your business, your team, your church, your results, that ceiling might be you.
That’s not a guilt trip. It’s a call-up.
The lid is real. And here’s an interesting part: you might actually be the most talented person in the room and still be the reason things aren’t growing. How do you know?
Are you the bottleneck for decisions?
Do people constantly wait for your approval?
Are you stuck in the weeds, while big opportunities pass by?
You don’t fix that by working longer hours or trying harder. You fix it by removing the lid. And sometimes, that lid is you.
Let’s get specific about what this looks like…
For the Entrepreneur:
You're doing it all and it's killing growth.
You started scrappy doing sales, operations, marketing, and payroll. But now, the company can’t grow because you still touch everything.
You haven’t hired leaders, just helpers.
You spend your time IN the business, not ON it.
The team’s waiting on your sign-off for every little decision.
Remove the lid: Hire someone smarter than you in key areas.
Give them real authority. Get out of the weeds and build systems that scale. Remember: What got you here won’t get you to 10x. Your hands-on approach is now hands-tied growth.
For the Church Leader:
Your voice is powerful but it's drowning out others.
You’ve built something meaningful. The vision is clear, the teaching is strong, the people are loyal. But growth has stalled.
Why?
Because every new idea has to go through you. You love your people but you don’t trust anyone to lead them like you do.
Ministries can't move forward without your input.
Young leaders leave because they have no room to lead.
The staff is loyal, but passive. They’re waiting on you instead of leading with you.
Remove the lid: Release others to lead with real freedom.
Preach less. Coach more. Multiply vision-carriers, not just volunteers. Remember: If your name is on everything, your church will always be small enough for you to carry and never big enough for God to stretch.
For the Corporate Leader:
You’re managing metrics instead of multiplying leaders.
You’ve hit your KPIs. You’ve got tenure, trust, and a track record. But your team? They're stagnant. Or worse, they’re disengaged.
You’re solving problems you should be delegating.
No one’s been promoted in a year because you’re still the only one “ready.”
You’re the go-to, but also the go-thru. Nothing moves without you.
Remove the lid: Develop leaders, not just employees.
Stop being the hero, and start building a bench. Create a culture where ownership is both expected and equipped. Remember: High-performance teams aren’t built by control, they’re built by trust and transfer.
So... what should you do if you are the lid?
Acknowledge It: Stop blaming the team. Stop blaming the season. Look in the mirror.
Invest in Your Growth: Read. Get a coach. Join a mastermind. Surround yourself with people who raise your ceiling and challenge your comfort zone.
Empower Others: Hand off real ownership. Delegate outcomes, not just tasks. Let people lead even if they don’t do it exactly like you would.
You’re not stuck. You’re just capped.
Good leaders protect control. Great leaders release it. If you want more growth, more momentum, more impact, it starts by asking the hard question:
Am I the lid?
And if the answer is yes, then it’s time to lift the lid.
Yesterday, we packed up the ADDO office, the one we’ve called home for over a decade.
I still remember walking through those doors for the first time. The original space was small (we expanded over time), but even that small office held the promise of possibility, purpose, and the seed of a dream that would grow far beyond those walls.That office became more than a workspace. It was a launchpad for ideas, laughter, hard conversations, and countless moments that shaped who we are today.As I looked around one last time I felt gratitude, nostalgia, excitement, even sadness. That’s what happens when one season ends and another begins.
The Seasons of Life and Leadership
Life and leadership both move in seasons. Some are full of growth and energy. Others are quieter and meant for rest, reflection, and reimagining.Change can feel uncomfortable, but it’s essential. Each season prepares us for the next. The big mistake we often make: Either rushing through one season to get to the next OR clinging too tightly to what’s ending.Wisdom lies in honoring each season by doing three things:
learn from it,
celebrate it,
then step boldly forward.
When a chapter closes, pause and reflect. Look back on where you’ve been and what you’ve learned.For us at ADDO, that means remembering the leaders we’ve had the opportunity to serve, the partnerships that started with a single idea, and the teammates who gave their hearts to our mission.We celebrate those wins.We capture the lessons.We tell the stories. But, we can’t get stuck there.Reflection is powerful, but too much nostalgia can hold you back.
If you stare too long at what was, you’ll miss what could be.
After you’ve looked back, look forward.Ask yourself:
What’s next?
Who do we want to become?
What new doors is God opening?
Good reflection should always lead to direction.
The healthiest leaders I know live in the balance: They remember the past with gratitude and move into the future with hope.
There’s a simple truth that often gets overlooked in leadership, business, and life: You don’t get what you don’t ask for.
It sounds obvious, but how often do we talk ourselves out of asking for something before we ever give someone else the chance to say yes?
We wait to be noticed. We wait for permission. We wait and miss the moment.
But the most transformative doors are often unlocked not by talent, timing, or luck, but by courage. Specifically, the courage to ask. (Curious what fear factor might be holding back your courage? I recommend reading Garrett Gravesen’s 10 Seconds of Insane Courage.)
For the purpose of this post, I’ll highlight some of the top reasons:
Fear of rejection. Fear of appearing weak. Fear of hearing “no.”
Here’s a truth most people miss:
Not asking guarantees the “no.”
And sometimes asking the wrong person guarantees a no. A principle I’ve lived by:
Don’t take no from someone who doesn’t have the power to say yes.
That manager who shut down your idea? They might not be the decision-maker. That customer who passed on your pitch? They might not be the budget holder. That friend who told you “you could never…”? They might not have the same vision you do.
Ask anyway. And ask higher if you have to.
We often think asking is a burden. Like it places weight on someone else. But done sincerely, asking is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of trust.
The boldness to ask often invites the boldness to support.
Whether it’s a conversation, a request, or a dream you’re ready to chase, asking moves you forward. Every major opportunity in life: a job, a connection, a breakthrough, is usually preceded by a simple, gutsy question.
Stop worrying that you aren’t ready to ask.
You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t need to know everything. You just need to be brave enough to raise your hand, knock on the door, or send the message.
Let me be clear: you will hear no. It’s part of the process.
But every “no” brings clarity. It helps you refine your direction. It makes you tougher. And sometimes, it pushes you to ask the right person, in the right way, at the right time.
A no from the wrong person isn’t rejection, it’s redirection.
Final Thought: Ask Boldly, Ask Humbly
The best leaders I know are bold askers. Not entitled. Not obnoxious. Just unafraid to go first.
They ask with humility, but without apology. They don’t wait for things to happen, they start the conversation.
So, what’s your next ask?
Is it a conversation you’ve been putting off?
An opportunity you’ve been too scared to pursue?
A dream you’ve told yourself is too big?
This week, have the courage to ask.Say the words. Make the call. Send the message. Ask.
When you’re working with high-capacity people—big thinkers with strong opinions and serious drive—there’s one guarantee: tension is coming.
And that’s not a bad thing.
In fact, if there's never any friction, you might not be dreaming big enough. High performers are wired to push boundaries, challenge assumptions, and move fast. That kind of energy creates heat and sometimes, sparks.
But here’s the key: conflict isn’t the enemy, unresolved conflict is.
So we must keep short accounts.
Keeping short accounts means we don’t let small issues become big problems. We don’t let a moment of miscommunication turn into months of mistrust. We deal with things early, while they’re still manageable.
Think of it like this: a short account is easy to settle. A long one starts collecting interest.
This doesn’t mean we’re nitpicking every disagreement. It means we’re choosing courage over comfort. We’re refusing to let tension silently tear at the fabric of the team.
And healthy conflict builds stronger teams.
When strong leaders work together, there will be disagreements. That’s not dysfunction—that’s a sign people care. If no one is ever pushing back, someone’s playing it too safe.
The goal isn’t to keep peace, it’s to make progress.
And sometimes, progress requires a little pressure.
The healthiest teams and relationships don’t avoid conflict; they know how to move through it.
Keeping short accounts means:
We don’t let silence speak louder than the truth.
We don’t let pride keep us from reaching out.
We don’t let offense outrun reconciliation.
Don’t Let the Sun Set on a Storm
Ephesians 4:26 reminds us, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” That’s not just spiritual wisdom, it’s a leadership strategy.
The longer you wait to address the issue, the heavier it becomes. Time doesn’t always heal; sometimes it hardens.
You can’t build a strong team without strong conversations.
So here’s the challenge:
Talk sooner. Apologize quicker. Forgive faster.
Keep the account short and keep the trust strong.
Because the most successful teams aren’t the ones with no tension. They’re the ones who know how to deal with it together.
Last week, I talked about thinking differently. My note was met with applause and cheers from the marketers, the think-different people. Simultaneously it received a round of caution from the numbers-don’t-lie readers, and I agree that there is wisdom in not venturing too far off the reservation.
So this is the balance between those two camps, and it is a lesson I learned in the early days of building Chick-fil-A Leader Academy.
My business partner Garrett Gravesen and I came in with wild ideas. We were bolstered by David Salyers, who was the Senior Vice President of Marketing over the project at the time and a dreamer himself. With the three of us in a brainstorm, it could easily turn into each person one-upping the last big idea.
But here is what we learned:
Every great team has a built-in tension between the dreamers and the doers.
The WOW people are the visionaries. They’re always dreaming, brainstorming, pushing the envelope. The HOW people are the executors. They’re asking: How will this work? What’s the cost? Who’s doing what by when?
It’s tempting to pick a side. But thriving organizations don’t choose between WOW and HOW. They learn to balance both.
And that balance?
The GICOD—Good Idea Cut-Off Date
The GICOD is a simple idea we learned from another incredible leader at Chick-fil-A, L.J. Yankosky. L.J. is unique in that he’s an innovator with an engineering background. He implemented this strategy to allow us the space to dream while keeping us moving forward.
Here’s how things usually go wrong:
The WOW crowd keeps throwing out ideas, sometimes great ideas, but the team never gains traction. Momentum dies in a swirl of brainstorming.
The HOW crowd tries to keep things on track, but starts to shut down ideas just to survive the chaos. Creativity gets crushed under deadlines and logistics.
The GICOD solves this.
It’s a clear, non-negotiable moment when ideation stops and execution starts.
Before the GICOD: Dream big. Think bold. Say “WOW.” After the GICOD: Make decisions. Build plans. Say “GO.”
This isn’t about stifling creativity. It’s about channeling it. It says: “Yes, we want your ideas, but we also need to deliver.”
The GICOD:
Creates clarity. No more wondering which ideas are still in play. Everyone knows what’s locked in.
Respects both mindsets. Dreamers know there’s a time for their ideas. Doers know there’s a point where the noise stops.
Builds trust. People stop fearing that last-minute changes will blow up their plans.
Drives results. Because great ideas are only as good as their execution.
So how do you make the GICOD effective?
Set it early and clearly. Don’t surprise your team. Let everyone know when GICOD is coming—and what it means.
Stick to it. No last-minute “just one more idea” exceptions. That erodes everything.
Celebrate both sides. Honor the idea people and the execution heroes. Both are building something bigger than themselves.
WOW without HOW is chaos. HOW without WOW is stagnation.
But when you build a culture that welcomes both, and draw a clear line with a cut off date, you get focused innovation. Big ideas that actually ship. Teams that dream and deliver.
When’s your next GICOD? Because the sooner you set it, the sooner your team can stop spinning and start winning.
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