Over the past few weeks, I’ve encountered many people that are discouraged. One is a pastor. His church is growing. His marriage is thriving. His kids are doing well. He doesn’t have some great tragedy weighing on him. But he just doesn’t enjoy what he’s doing right now. I’ve heard similar stories from friends in the business world. From the outside, they appear successful. Business is booming, and opportunities for growth are endless. But they’ve lost their sense of passion for what they are doing. I know parents who are frustrated with the mundane aspects of caring for young kids. The grind of the routine and lack of flexibility feels restrictive. They love their children. Their relationships are thriving, but in some ways, they feel unfulfilled. All of these people were joyful at some point, but over time, they have drifted from a place of encouragement to a state of discouragement.

When I was in high school and college, I worked at a store in the mall. One very popular item we sold was a gadget that could help you find something that you lost. It was a tiny tracker that you could put on your wallet or keys or any item that you misplaced frequently. All you had to do was press a button, and your lost item would beep until you found it. Now, we have Find My iPhone and Tile to help us find what we’ve lost, but it hasn’t always been so easy. If we would have had this technology 30 years ago, my childhood would have been different. Every day, we could count on my dad asking, “Has anybody seen my keys?” Or saying, “I could have sworn I left my wallet right here!” He was always looking for something, and it became a big joke in our family. Now, I’m turning into my dad. I find myself losing things regularly. And just like my mom has always done with my dad, my wife now asks me, “Where was the last place you saw it?” We walk through the places that I’ve been and work to find the thing that I’ve lost.

Think about that—trying to go back to the place where we last had something to find the thing we’ve lost. Doesn’t this same principle work with our joy? Walk back in your mind to the moments where you experienced joy in what you’re doing. When we do that, we can often recapture that feeling and posture. Life changes us, and our circumstances affect us. But if we’re able to think about how we felt before we were hurt, or walked through a terrible illness, or were mistreated by a church member, or experienced financial stress—when we go back to the place where we had genuine, authentic joy—we might just find it again.

For me, it’s easy to be unhappy when something goes wrong. When an important client cancels a contract, or things don’t go my way, or my wife and I disagree about something important, my present circumstances can rule my feelings about everything else.

Happiness is fleeting, but true joy is found in something bigger than yourself.

If you’re reading this blog and are discouraged, go back. Rediscover the source of your joy. It’s not always a quick fix, but when you find it, and it’s strong, secure, and deep enough, it will give you joy despite your circumstances. This world is full of good but fickle things that will grant you happiness for a moment but emptiness in the long run. So, what are the things that give you lasting joy and encouragement in this life?

Find those things. Take hold of them. And rest in them when troubles come.

“We do not remember days, we remember moments.”

When I was in college, I heard this quote by the Italian poet Cesare Pavese for the first time, and it changed the way I think about life experiences.

Two of my favorite authors, Chip and Dan Heath, unpack this phenomenon in their book The Power of Moments. They discuss the psychology of perception and explain the reasons why we remember certain events and not others.

In the opening section, they walk through a family’s day at Disney World as if they were rating their experience hour by hour. Here’s their summation:

9 a.m.: Cattle-herding your kids out of the hotel room. There’s excitement in the air. Rating: 6

10 a.m.: Riding “It’s a Small World” together, with parents and children each under the impression that the other must be enjoying this. Rating: 5

11 a.m.: Feeling a dopamine rush after riding the Space Mountain roller coaster. Your kids are begging to ride it again. Rating: 10

Noon: Enjoying expensive park food with your kids, who might enjoy it less if they knew you bought it with their college fund. Rating: 7

1 p.m.: Waiting in line, for 45 minutes now, in the 96-degree central Florida heat. Trying to keep your son from gnawing on the handrails. Rating: 3

2 p.m.: Buying mouse-ear hats on the way out of the park. Your kids look so cute. Rating: 8

If you took an average of these six moments, the rating of the day would be a 6.5. Not necessarily amazing, but it was a pretty good day. However, if you ask this family to rate their day at Disney World a few weeks later, they would say it was a 9. This is because they will remember the way they felt after Space Mountain and the way they felt leaving the park. When rating an overall experience, you subconsciously average your best moment and your last moment together. This should be an encouragement to us. It takes a little of the pressure off.

Sometimes in our pursuit of perfectionism, we strive to make every moment memorable. The problem with this is that we almost always fail. It’s really tough to make every single moment magical--even at Disney. Some moments simply need to stand out and be better than others. When we fully embrace the power of moments, we can focus on carefully crafting those mountaintop moments that people will remember for a long time.

At the local restaurant, you remember when the server walks up and ties the balloon around your three-year-old’s chair, and they all sing “Happy Birthday” to her, making her night. At the quick-casual restaurant, you remember when the person behind the counter offers to take your food to your table, so you can situate all of your kids. At the church, you remember the person who made you feel comfortable and helped you find a seat the very first time you attended. Then, you remember that person at the end of the service that said he would love to see you again the next week. Want to know the craziest thing about moments? Sometimes, you can create a moment so powerful that you get credit for it even with people who didn’t experience the moment firsthand.

Take a look at this example from a Chick-fil-A in Houston:

We most likely won’t get the chance to rescue someone from a flood, but each of us can intentionally create moments. A memorable moment creates positive memories for the participant and a positive affinity for the moment-maker.

A memorable moment creates positive memories for the participant and a positive affinity for the moment-maker.

Take the time today to think about creating moments.                                                                                                            

Make memorable moments for your family.                                                                                                                              

Make moments with your friends.                                                                                                                                                    

And in your work, be intentional about creating these moments for your customers and colleagues. Remember, one moment can define an experience and leave a lasting impact.

To be honest, I hate the idea of networking events. I’m extroverted, so talking to people all day doesn’t bother me. Being around others is energizing, but going to an event where people are encircling others, peddling their business cards, trying to make connections that bring them the most value, sounds miserable to me. Nothing about these events feels genuine, and people rarely leave with lasting relationships.

Think about it. Most real interactions happen in a place far different from a networking event. At Sunday School, we don’t size up other church members, thinking about what angle we can play to get the right business deal. Or at the gym, we don’t workout next to the person we think has the most power to advance our career. We interact with these people casually and genuinely. We are there to get better, and when we meet people, we want to get to know them for who they are, not what they can do. These environments allow us to interact on an equal playing field. In authentic places, we make successful relationships.

Unfortunately, most business relationships don’t turn into real friendships. But today, I’m going to give you three things that will help you create connections that are mutually beneficial and that last beyond a transaction.

‍1. See everyone as your equal.

‍When you believe that no one is above you, it allows you to have genuine interactions with people that would normally intimidate you. When I was in college at the University of Georgia, I had the unique opportunity to build friendships with Coach Mark Richt and Hall of Fame Coach Vince Dooley. These are men I look up to and admire, but the first time I met them, I didn’t ask for their autographs or try to take a picture with them—I just talked to them. I was “beneath” them in every way. I was younger. I had no money or status. I lacked experience. Yet, just by making a personal connection, I built relationships with them that have lasted more than a decade.

The same is true for people that you might think are beneath you. So many people walk into a room and search for the most “important” or “influential” person. They want to interact with the people that “matter” and often run over others, trying to make that elusive connection. This is a mistake. First and foremost, it’s rude, but it’s also a missed opportunity. You’ll gain value from the people that you would normally think are beneath you. You never know what you might learn from someone, what stories you might hear, and what surprising connections you might make when you stop only seeking those with status.

‍2. Be genuinely curious.

‍When you ask great questions, you learn amazing things about people. Too often we are more interested in selling ourselves, so we either talk too much or only ask questions that lead back to our product or service. Asking good questions helps create stronger connections. If your goal is to build an authentic friendship, you have to care about this person and show you care. In the same way that you would engage your family and close friends, find out the things that matter most to people. We all want to know that someone cares about us and is interested in us. It’s actually quite simple:

To seem interested in others, you need to be interested in others.

‍3. Add value.

‍Nobody likes the person that’s only looking out for themselves. If you’re always looking for what’s in it for you, you won’t add much value to others. Sure, you might make the sale or close your deal, but you won’t create a relationship that lasts beyond the transaction. Maybe you’re asking, “With my age and stage, how can I add value to someone who is in a different place?” Add value by sharing your experiences. Encourage the other person, tell meaningful stories, and ask engaging questions. Simply being interesting in conversation adds more value than you think.

I believe that everyone can get better at building relationships. This is an area that’s worth your focus.

Remember that people are people. Everyone has a story worth telling.

Everyone has a story worth hearing. Creating meaningful relationships will probably help your business and will definitely improve your life.

In an attempt to impress, have you ever made things more complicated than they need to be?

I’ve been guilty of using big words to compensate for my southern drawl. In those moments, I thought I could impress people with a more expansive vocabulary and convince them of my intelligence or, at least, distract them from my lack of confidence. I’ve also used buzzwords and descriptions that were confusing to compensate for an insecurity about a project or program.

People may not have understood what I was saying, but maybe they assumed my work was important. The older I get, the more impressed I am by people who don’t do this. I appreciate someone who communicates clearly, concisely, and intentionally—pinpointing the things that actually need to be shared.

Sometimes, we complicate things because we are insecure. Other times, it’s because we haven’t put in the hard work to simplify our thoughts. Right now, I’m working hard to avoid both scenarios. So this week, simplicity is the goal. “The definition of genius is taking the complex and making it simple.” - Albert Einstein

"Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers, who can cut through argument, debate, and doubt to offer a solution everybody can understand." - General Colin Powell

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." - Leonardo da Vinci

Simplicity happens when we are confident about our work, and when we take the time to say what’s most important.

Focus on what you can subtract rather than add, condense rather than elaborate, and simplify rather than complicate.

For the last four and half years, I’ve had the opportunity to share the message of 8 Essential Exchanges with a diverse range of audiences, from high school students in gymnasiums to senior-level executives in corporate conference rooms.

For each audience, I’ll pick three or four exchanges to share that seem most applicable to them, but the one exchange I am always hesitant to talk about is exchanging the immediate for the ultimate. Why? It seems too simple. The concept is not new. The idea is not original. And so there are many times I get through three exchanges and feel a strong urge to cut my talk short. Why waste the audience’s time telling them something they already know?

However, I’m reminded that this is a challenge we desperately need to hear. Almost every time I walk through this exchange with a group, somebody from the audience will come up to me afterward and tell me how much they needed to hear it. They open their hearts to me and admit things like, “Today, I realized that I put my family second to pursue my career,” or “I’ve spent years chasing short-term satisfaction, and it’s robbed me of what I ultimately wanted in life.”

So today, I’ll issue the challenge again. I know you’ve heard it before, but I don’t think there’s anyone reading this who doesn’t struggle in this area. We know deep down inside that we shouldn’t pursue short-term pleasure when it prohibits long-term growth. It’s a simple, universal truth, but it’s so very tough for us to apply. Please don’t miss this: When you choose what you want NOW over what you want MOST, you forfeit your future for a fleeting feeling that will fade away.

When you choose what you want NOW over what you want MOST, you forfeit your future for a fleeting feeling that will fade away.

Max Lucado says it this way:

“When you are in the final days of your life, what will you want?

Will you hug that college degree in the walnut frame?

Will you ask to be carried to the garage, so you can sit in your car?

Will you find comfort in rereading your financial statement? Of course not.

What will matter then will be people.

If relationships will matter most then, shouldn’t they matter most now?"

This challenge is not new or complex or ground-breaking. It’s not even close to being original, but it might be the most important thing you read this week. If you actually apply it, it could change your life and remind you to pursue what you want most instead of what you want now.

The best way to live out this exchange is to audit your activities. What are doing right now, today, that makes you happy in the short term but will rob you of joy in the long term? Do whatever it takes to change that. Make the sacrifices necessary to take those things away. Give up short-term pleasure for long-term growth. It will be the most important exchange you could ever make.

A few weeks ago, I needed to catch a flight, so I planned to be at the airport an hour before take-off. The problem was that I didn’t give myself any buffer time, and honestly, I never do. I am always running late, so the people that travel with me are accustomed to it not being a stress-free experience.

Even though Atlanta is known for its traffic, I somehow forget about this on travel days. To make it to the airport, I weave through cars, driving too fast through construction zones, and do my best to avoid the slowest lanes of traffic. When I finally make it to the airport, I realize that I haven’t factored in the extra time to park my car. I screech into the first open parking lot, keeping my eyes peeled for an available space, chase down the Park ‘n’ Ride bus, and tap my foot as the bus crawls toward the arrivals drop-off. As the bus pulls up, I see the baggage check line growing and know that I’ll have to wait. Inevitably, from baggage check, I run through the airport like a crazy person to get through security and to my gate before the final boarding call. I feel like I’m in the Home Alone airport scene, sprinting with my carry-on, dodging families with strollers, and completely frustrated by anyone walking at a normal speed through the terminal.

This particular travel day was no different. After checking my bag, I ran to the first security checkpoint only to find a family blocking the entrance of the security line. My initial reaction was frustration. Why are they just standing there? But then, I noticed two of them were locked in a hug. There were tears rolling down their faces, and the other family members looked on with glossy eyes. It was a powerful moment that stopped me in my tracks. I don’t know their story. Maybe somebody was traveling far away, and the family wouldn’t see them for a while. Maybe one of the people in the embrace received a grim diagnosis, and this could be one of their final moments together.

Maybe someone is being deployed, and their future is uncertain. I’m not sure of all the details, but they knew something about their situation that caused them to treat that goodbye with a weight and intentionality that is uncommon in most of our interactions. When we know a moment is going to change our lives, we treat it differently. We say a longer goodbye. We’re invest in the important day at work. We celebrate the milestones in our child’s life. And we should. We don’t get the opportunity to treat every single day and every interaction like it will change our lives. There are some days that we know are important. However, many of the most important moments sneak up on us.

Witnessing this powerful interaction in the airport was a wake-up call for me. I don’t want to be so busy that I miss the moments that need my attention. Typically, I text my wife Laura before my plane takes off. I tell her that I love her and will let her know when I make it to my destination. But this day, I texted a few more people, letting them know how much they mean to me.

I don’t want to be so busy that I miss the moments that need my attention.

Instead of racing through life like my typical travel experiences, I am trying to slow down. It’s not easy, but it’s something I must continue to work toward. Don’t you think we all should try to slow down? If we open our eyes to opportunities to connect with people, we are less likely to miss out on the meaningful moments, especially the ones we didn’t expect to be meaningful.

A few weeks ago, Chipper Jones was elected to the National Baseball Hall of Fame. Being a fan of any team in the state of Georgia means I’m used to disappointment, but Chipper Jones reminds me of the great seasons of 14 straight division titles for the Braves. The image of Chipper Jones in an Atlanta Braves uniform is a hallmark of childhood. So the older I have gotten, the more baseball brings back fond memories of growing up in Braves country.

Now, I know it’s February, and it’s only the beginning of spring training. But there are lots of life lessons we can learn from baseball all year long. In fact, we talked about one here at the beginning of last year. Today, I want to talk about the rule of thirds.

For the creatives reading this blog, this is not the rule of thirds that applies to photography. Instead, this is a concept coined by Tommy Lasorda who is famous for serving two decades as manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers. He believed that no matter how good your baseball team is, you’re going to lose one-third of your games. No matter how bad your team is, you’re going to win one-third of your games. So it’s the other third that makes the difference.

In baseball, the teams that win the other third are the ones that make it to the playoffs. But these teams aren’t just lucky. They are strategic. They are hardworking. They have the right people in the right positions and painstakingly prepare for each of their opponents.

The rule of thirds is consistent. The worst team in baseball this year will probably win at least a third of their games. The best team will probably lose at least a third of their games. But those high-performing teams—teams that understand this principle—won’t allow one win or one loss to define their season. Each of us would benefit from taking this same approach and mentality to our everyday lives. It’s easy to fail or lose and think that we’re failures or losers.

This year, each baseball team will play 162 games. The greatest baseball teams will likely lose more than 50 times, but they won’t think of each loss in isolation. They will see those losses as part of the journey of their season. In the same way, we can’t dwell on our failures and miss the whole picture of our personal or professional growth.

On the other hand, this year, the worst teams will probably win at least 50 games. They say a broken clock is right twice a day! But if one of these teams treats one win like they’ve won the World Series, they will be laughed at. Securing one victory isn’t all that valuable if they can’t consistently replicate their success. In the same way, we can’t hang our hats on one success if we’re failing in other important areas.

If you own an ice cream store and haven’t sold any ice cream this week, you can’t celebrate when one person buys 6 scoops on Saturday. The rest of your week shows the true measure of your success.

If the majority of your customers love the services you provide, you can’t decide to close your business because one customer complained about a bad experience. This one customer’s experience does not negate your success thus far.

If one employee thinks that you are a poor leader, you can’t step down from your position because you’re no longer qualified. One employee’s opinion does not affect the overall success you’ve had as a leader and mentor to your other employees.

Resist the temptation to look at successes or failures in isolation.

The rule of thirds informs our personal and professional lives. Resist the temptation to look at successes or failures in isolation. Keep the proper perspective on your relationships, your sales, your customer satisfaction, and your company growth as a whole. Championships are won when you look at the aggregate; our businesses and lives are no different!

About a month ago, our ADDO team was on a company retreat, and in the midst of planning and socializing, there was a vigorous debate between a couple of our team members about a very important topic—the movie The Greatest Showman.

One passionate team member argued that it was the greatest movie of last year, maybe the best one ever, while the other argued that it might be the cheesiest movie ever made.

The debate sparked my curiosity, so my wife and I decided to see the movie a couple weeks ago. Now, in this post, I won’t try to settle their argument. I think they’re both right. Musicals are inherently cheesy and entertaining, and this one is no different. So rather than discuss the movie’s content, historical accuracy, or casting choices, I think there are three lessons that everyone can learn from it.

1. Entertainment that engages:

‍- P.T. Barnum assembles a group of misfits for his show, and it’s interesting that people from all walks of life come out to see it. His entertainers are not formally trained, and Barnum is certainly no expert in any genre of art. But he knows how to attract an audience and is anchoring his show on entertainment.

Walt Disney famously said, “I would rather entertain and hope that people learn something than educate people and hope they were entertained.” While the statement from Disney and Barnum’s show are both extreme, we can learn from this principle—if you don’t capture people’s attention, you’ll never have the opportunity to share with them. When it comes to our ideas, our products, our services, or our lessons, we must be engaging on the front end to earn the opportunity to share, equip, or sell on the back end.

2. The public vs. the critics:

‍- In The Greatest Showman, there’s friction between P.T. Barnum and a critic of his work. In one scene, the critic writes a scathing piece about Barnum’s show, calling it a “circus”. Instead of being discouraged by this designation, Barnum decides to own it. He changes his show’s name, and advertises the critic’s hit piece all over town. Walt Disney’s reaction to criticism was similar to Barnum’s. He once said, “We’re not trying to entertain the critics. I’ll take my chances with the public.” It’s a good reminder that if you try something different, there will be people that criticize you. When the criticism is constructive, we should heed it, but we should never be distracted from our work by the loud criticism of a small minority.

Remember, if you have critics, you’re doing something that’s worth remarking about.

3. Progress over comfort:

‍- In a pivotal scene, Barnum’s character, played by Hugh Jackman, tries to convince a potential business partner to join him. This character, played by Zac Efron, comes from a well-to-do family and would have to give up stability and status to join him. Barnum tells him that, “Comfort is the enemy of progress.” And he’s exactly right. The greatest inventions, companies, and people that have pushed the world forward were born from a place of discomfort.

"Comfort is the enemy of progress." - The Greatest Showman

None of us like being uncomfortable, but it’s often in seasons of discomfort that the greatest progress is made—in our personal development, in the products we make, and in the way we serve customers.

Regardless of your feelings toward P.T. Barnum as a person or The Greatest Showman as a movie, I hope you’ll take away these three important lessons: engage your audience, respond appropriately to criticism, and embrace the uncomfortable for the sake of progress.

The organizations and leaders I most admire practice and promote servant leadership, so it’s no surprise that this concept is one I discuss regularly at speaking engagements. In fact, servant leadership is a frequently-used term around the organization where I work. It feels like second nature to bring up this discipline to other executives and entrepreneurs, but the more I travel and speak to diverse groups of people, the more I realize that servant leadership is a foreign concept to so many.

To me, leadership and servant leadership are synonymous. It’s how leaders should lead. The term “servant leadership” was first coined by Robert Greenleaf in his 1970 essay “The Servant as Leader.” Although servant-leaders existed before this time, Greenleaf put language around the concept and outlined how the philosophy works. Greenleaf explains, “The servant-leader is servant first… It begins with the natural feeling that one wants to serve, to serve first. Then conscious choice brings one to aspire to lead.” He recognized that the best leaders are servants first, and he wanted to encourage other people to lead out of a desire to meet the needs of others. The Robert K. Greenleaf Center for Servant Leadership expands this concept with its definition for servant-leader:

A servant-leader focuses primarily on the growth and well-being of people and the communities to which they belong. While traditional leadership generally involves the accumulation and exercise of power by one at the “top of the pyramid,” servant leadership is different. The servant-leader shares power, puts the needs of others first and helps people develop and perform as highly as possible.

Servant leadership is others-centered. It’s a commitment to working to see others grow. It’s a desire to meet their needs. It’s choosing to value other people above your time, your status, and your income. It’s certainly not glamorous or easy, but it’s significant.

Servant-leadership is others-centered. It’s certainly not glamorous or easy, but it’s significant.

Consider the icons of servant leadership: Jesus, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., and Mother Teresa. Regardless of your religion or ideology, we can all agree that these people made a lasting impact on the world because they fought to meet the needs of others.

However, when we look at the lives of these leaders, we should note that they weren’t always comfortable or easy. Three of their lives ended with them dying for their beliefs, and the other passed away in poverty!

Should that deter us from being servant leaders? Absolutely not. Servant leadership, if pursued wholeheartedly, leaves a lasting impact, but comes at a cost. Serving another person means that you deny something of yourself—whether it be your time, money, or energy—to give to them.

However, the reward of seeing people grow and thrive under your leadership is always worth it. Be a servant leader in your workplace, in your home, in your church, and in all your spheres of influence. Your work will be challenging, but you’ll pursue the most fulfilling and effective form of leadership.